Sunday, May 6, 2012

Primates and Penis Size: How Do You Measure Up?

As a rule, for men, bigger is better.  Bigger engines, bigger televisions, bigger weapons, bigger muscles, bigger bottles of booze... man logic says: if you wanna make it better, just make it bigger!  But, what about our favorite organ?  Let's face it, unless a man is willing to go through with some invasive plastic surgery on the most sensitive of all man places (and plastic surgery ain't too manly), then he's stuck with what the good Lord gave 'em.  For some this may be a blessing, for others it may be a curse, but, science now shows us that when it comes to size, the best and worst parts of our genetically predisposed genitals might not be what we men originally assumed.


In order to expose these truths, we are going to have to do a little comparing and contrasting with our closest genetic family members.  That's right, just when you thought the Badass Man Blog couldn't get any more awesome, it did! Because today we'll be comparing human penis to gorilla penis! How's that for a badass blog!?!

But, before we can start talking about gorilla goods, we need to set a few things straight about our own man parts.  So, let's just sneak a peak at the human penis, and see what our second brain has to teach us.

At some point in every man's life, he's wondered how his man parts compare to those of his compadres.  Well, today the Badas Man Blog is going to let you know just how well you measure up to other men.  Thanks to many recent scientific studies performed by a wide variety of groups for a wide variety of reason, e.g. urologists, plastic surgeons, and condom companies, statistics about our privates have gone public.  Now, there is no shortage of information out there on our man members, but many men out there still have a lot of questions.  So, let's start with the basics just to dispel any potential rumors or presuppositions regarding the human penis.


Fifteen Fun Phallic Facts

  1. The average human penis ranges from 5-6 inches when fully erect.  Some studies's average was closer to the 5.1 inch mark, and other's closer to the 5.6 inch mark... but all agree, if you fall between 5-6 inches you are the same size as the majority of all other men. 
  2. There is no difference in penis size between differing races of men.  All men, from all racial backgrounds, e.g. African, Asian, Hispanic, Causation, etc. all have the same net average when it comes to penis size.
  3. Old age is not a factor in penis size.  It is often rumored that a man's penis shrinks with age.  There is no data to support this.
  4. When studies were done, and men were asked to measure their own penises and report data back, the net average for penis size was substantially larger then when the measurements were made by a secondary, neutral party.... imagine that :) 
  5. The length of a penis when flaccid is not an indicator of its size when erect, i.e. one man's penis may appear smaller than his neighbor's in the locker room when it may in fact actually be the same size or larger when erect, or visa versa. 
  6. Men are more impressed by large penises than women are.  This fits with man logic: bigger is better & therefore more impressive.  In a poll done, 85% of women said they were more than content with the size of their man's penis.  In a similar survey, only 50% of men said they were content with the size of their own penis (more on this later).
  7. Many men suffer from feelings of inadequacy or low self esteem and often contribute these feelings to their penis size.  Ironically, when studies were done it was founded that these men's penises fit comfortably within the national average.  Their feelings of inadequacy had less to do with their penis's actual size and more to do with the self perception.
  8. Similarly, studies have shown that when men who believe themselves to have larger penises were tested and measured, they to, more often than not, fell comfortably within the national average.  Again, their view of their penis had more to do with their own self esteem then the actual size of their man junk.
  9. The average female vagina has a depth of about 4 inches, meaning if a man is well below average, he is still bigger than he needs to be to please the ladies.
  10. Similar to how a penis can change size, the female vagina has the ability to flex and expand to allow for larger penises.... so don't fret if your penis is well above average!  A vagina can always make room for more.
  11. The majority of nerve endings, as well as the G-spot, and the clitoris are all found at the opening and/or first two inches of the vagina... therefore many women report that anything after the first couple of inches is just 'filler.'
  12. Accordingly, many studies have found that the width of the penis is more important than the length.  The average circumference of a penis is between 4-5 inches (in case you were wondering).
  13. It is reported in several studies that some women do prefer men with larger penises.  They are usually a very small percent of the community (1-5%, give or take).  Interestingly, one study concluded that the 1-5% of women who prefer larger penises make up the more attractive female minority, i.e. the most attractive women preferred their man to have a larger man-johnson! They attributed this to the fact that more attractive women can be more selective, and when given the pick of the litter they chose large over small. 
  14. However, in a different study done between sexually active couples, it was found that the women coupled with men who had slightly smaller penises reached orgasm sooner than those coupled with larger penises.  It was concluded that this was due to the 'smaller' penis's ability to move about more freely in the vagina, and therefore gain more immediate access to areas like the Gspot, etc.
  15. Temperature effects penis size, when flaccid.  A man's sperm needs to be kept at a certain temperature to remain fertile.  When the penis & testicles are cool or cold they shrink up tightly against the body to stay warm, i.e. shrinkage.  When they are hot or warm they hang loose to cool off.
Now that we all have a good idea of how our junk measures up to our friend's junk, it's time to take a much more in depth, and much more interesting, look at how the human penis matches up to our closest friends in the animal kingdom.  In short, how do our penises compare to other primates?

Human Penis vs. Gorilla Penis

When most men think of Silverback Gorillas, they think of the biggest, baddest, and meanest of all evolved primates.  Male Silverbacks represent nature's ultimate example of the Alpha Male.  These aggressive, dominant male creatures battle it out with competing males to gain dominance over a region or territory. And once a male Silverback gains his territory, he take all the female gorillas for himself!  These massive males usually travel with a harem of females.  On average a healthy dominant male Silverback will have 3-6 females that he copulates with.  Some may have as many as ten!

Sound like a male fantasy world? ... Well, let's look a little closer.  Man logic says that if a male of any species has a harem of females to reproduce with, then that male must be getting laid often.  Unfortunately, man logic isn't always scientifically true.  As it turns out, male gorillas only copulate with females when the females are fertile and able to reproduce.  After a female gorilla gives birth, she isn't available for sexual reproduction for another 3-4 years!  Which means, even in a harem of 6 females, a male gorilla will only engage in sexual activity a few times a year!  Poor guy!

Also, male gorillas are substantially larger than their female counterparts.  A fully grown adult male gorilla is typically twice the size of his females.  One would think that with such a drastic variation in size between male and females, the male gorilla's penis would be enormous!  After all these male gorillas weigh, on average, 450 lbs. But, again, man logic is proven wrong by science.  As it turns out, a gorilla's penis is extremely small by all human standards. The average length of an erect gorilla penis is 1.25 inches! An erect orangutan's penis is only slightly larger at 1.5 inches!  That's right, human beings have unusually large penises for their size.  In fact, human males have the biggest penises of any primate species, in both relative and actual size,( i.e. our penis is not only the biggest comparative to our size, it's the biggest overall).  So, good news, even if you are a man with a wanker on the low end of the human average, you're still enormous by nature's standards!

The obvious question becomes, why do humans have such giant penises?  One might think that it has to do with how often we engage in sexual activity and/or reproduce.  That however isn't true.  Frequency of copulation and reproduction has nothing to do with penis size.  It instead has to do with testicle size.  In order to elaborate further, we need to look at another primate, the chimpanzee.

Human Testicles vs. Chimpanzee Testicles

Thanks to the resent work in the Human Genome Project, we now know that chimpanzees are our closest genetic ancestors.  In fact, chimpanzees posses almost all the same DNA as do humans, as they are 96% genetic matches to us. It may come as a surprise, but it is said that the genetic variation between a human and a chimp is less than that of a mouse and a rat!  So, it only makes since to see where these fellow primates fall in the genital size race.  As it turns out, the average chimp penis is just a little shorter than a human's, at 3 inches when erect (formal scientist list the average erect human penis at 5 inches).  This means their penis is smaller than ours and larger than a gorilla's or orangutan's.  When it comes to testicles however, chimps got all kinds of swag!

Of all primate species, the chimpanzee has the largest testicles.  The average weight of a human's testes is 1.5 ounces.  This is still larger than the testes of gorillas.  That's right, those big mean Alpha gorillas not only have the smallest penises, they also have the smallest testes of any of the primates.  In contrast, a chimpanzees testes weigh an average of 4 ounces!  When one factors in that an adult male chip usually only weighs about 100 pounds, it doesn't take long to do the math and realize that by nature's standards, chimp balls are huge!

Why such big balls for these silly chimps? Does Bubbles need big balls?  The answer is: yes.  Different from gorillas who live in harems with one dominate male and a handful of fertile females, or humans who usually live in monogamous pairings (i.e. one male for one female), chimps live in oragiastic polygamous groups of sexually fertile males and females.  As a result, chimps copulate more often than any other primate species.  These horny 'monkeys' make whoopie several times a day with several different females.  Accordingly, they need to produce an abundance of sperm quickly.  As a result, they have evolved enormous ball-sacks!  These big balls enable them to copulate often, and when your sperm is competing with several other male chimp's sperm, the more you can produce, the more likely you are to procreate.  

Again, male logic might assume that having huge 4 ounce gonads like a chimp would be much more desirable than our tiny 1. 5 ouncers.  After all, bigger balls would allow us to have way more sex, way more often.  Unfortunately, man logic is proven wrong, again.  While chimps have a lot more sex, on average, than do humans, their sexual encounters are... shall we say brief.  Because chimps are copulating with many different females and competing against other males, a typical sexual encounter between a male and a female is concluded in a matter of seconds!  In short (pun intended), even a man suffering from the worst case of premature ejaculation in the history of the human civilization can go a lot longer than a chimp!

So, as it turns out, when the good Lord put us together he must have had some idea what he was doing.  We humans get the biggest wieners in the bunch and testicles that are large enough to allow much more frequent copulation than a gorilla, but not so large that we can't enjoy ourselves for at least a few minutes.  While this does explain our moderate testicle size, it still doesn't fully address why our penises are so large.  This brings us to the final section of this big, long, penis blog.

Why Are Our Penises So Large?

To be honest, there is no clear answer to this question.  At best scientists can speculate and/or make assumptions based on studies of human anthropology and evolutionary variables.  Here are some of science's best guesses to why we are so well endowed. 

Firstly, human babies are born relatively underdeveloped for most mammalian species.  Think about it, most dogs and cats are walking and eating in a relatively short amount of time.  Human babies are born underdeveloped because of the size of their heads.  That's right, human babies have big heads because they have big brains.  And, those big brains have to pass through the birth canal.  Accordingly, babies are born the way they are so that their big heads can fit through mom's va-ja-ja.  Therefore, some have speculated that human males may have developed unusually large penises in order to keep up with the human female's vagina size.   

In sort of an evolutionary arms race, it's possible that as women's vaginas became able to expand for birthing purposes, men's penises advanced in size to accommodate.  While this argument does makes some compelling points, it still doesn't fully answer the question.  As we've learned, the average female vagina is only 4 inches in depth, so there would be no need for men to have penises averaging 5-6 inches in length.


Another, more compelling argument is provided by renowned author and scientist Jared Diamond.  In his book The Third Chimpanzee, Diamond argues that the human male penis is so large for purpose of display, similar to a male peacock's feathery tail.  Here is the kicker though.  As it turns out, scientist belief this impressive organ for display is for displaying to other men, not for displaying to women!  That's right, the studies show that women are often repulsed or, at least, uninterested in the sight of the penis, where as men are impressed by it... especially when it's extra large! 

According to Diamond, a popular woman's magazine called Viva began publishing photos of nude men in attempt to provide women with a female Playboy equivalent.  As a result of the publication of these photos, the popularity of the magazine decreased drastically with women, but surprisingly became more popular with men.  Viva discontinued the photos, and the magazine's popularity returned to women, and male readers virtually disappeared.  Ever wonder why pornographic movies usually features men with much larger than normal penises despite the fact that the vast majority of pornography is both created and viewed by men?  Well, now you have your answer.  Data shows that men are more impressed by big rhinoceros sized penises than are women.  

If you've ever seen the decorative penis shafts worn by indigenous men in New Guinea, then it doesn't take long to understand Diamond's point.  These men, like all men, exaggerate the size of their penis by making decorative penis shafts in order to make their man members appear larger.  This is done as an act of display to establish dominance and superiority over other men in the tribe and has virtually nothing to do with impressing the women.  However, inevitably, the male who dominates the tribe, by whatever means, will gain access to the most fertile women; and therefore, at least in this case, pass his ginormous-penis-shaft making skills on to his well endowed children. Interesting stuff!

Anyways, however you measure it, big, small, long, wide, whatever, you as a human man, by nature's standard, have an enormous penis!  So, if anyone ever questions your manhood, just tell 'em: Hey, I don't know what you're talking about.  My penis is bigger than a Silverback Gorillas!  Now, that's pretty badass!





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