Wednesday, May 23, 2012

Top 25 Things Every Man Needs: 23 Comfy Man Pants


Hard day on the job?  Hung over from too much partying? Ready to relax and watch the game?  Ready for a nap on the couch? Need to walk the dogs but don’t feel like putting on real pants? Wanna give the fashion world the finger?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, then you’re gonna need a pair of comfortable man pants.  That’s right, coming in at 23 on our list of The Top 25 Things a Man Needs is: comfy man pants.

Let’s face it, a large part of our day is occupied with stupid things like work, and shopping, and driving, and cleaning, and tons of other dumb ass sh**. When you add it all up, days turn into weeks, weeks months, and months years!  So, when a man has a few minutes to sit down, relax, enjoy a cold one, and watch the game, he’s gotta make the most of it.  And, no man wants to relax in a pair of damn-douche-bag-Gap-khakis or stupid-ass-too-tight-jeans-that-got-shrunk-in-the-wash!  No belts, no buttons, no zippers, just a draw sting and sheer elastic-waist-expanding-joy!

Any man will tell you, the only real way to relax is in a pair of comfortable lounge pants.   There’s no surefire method for relaxing, but any good relaxing takes place in comfy man pants.   For some it’s a pair of $5 sweats, for some it’s flannel pajamas bottoms, for some it might be an old pair of track pants, or even comfortable gym shorts… however you work it, a man’s gotta relax, and he needs some comfortable pants to do so.

Most women don’t truly understand the comfy man pant phenomenon.  This isn’t to say that women don’t keep an old pair of yoga pants hiding in their drawer, for a rainy day.  It’s just that they don’t put these pants on unless there is a fashion or life emergency: maybe they are home sick, maybe they are cramping or have other woman problems that men don’t understand or even know about, maybe they’re spring cleaning… who knows. But, it’s then that the comfy pants come out of the drawer.

In contrast, a man lives for the moment the work pants come off, and the comfy pants go on.  A man in sweats is a visual signpost to the rest of the world.  What women don’t understand is that when a man puts on his comfy pants he is emphatically stating, “F*** off world! I’m done working for the day! Can’t you see my pants! Hello! Don’t ask me to do sh**! These pants may look like athletic pants, but, I assure you, they’re not! Am I wearing jogging shoes?  Do I look like Lance Armstrong? Do I even have a shirt on? NO! Why? I’m relaxing! That’s why! Deal with it! … cause Gator don’t play no sh**!

… And the best part about comfy man pants is they save man words. A man doesn’t even have to speak, explain, or articulate his frame of mind.  He can simply, silently changes his pants.  Everything that needs to be said is said! Done & done.

Yep, every man needs a pair of comfy pants, and that’s why these relaxation requirements come in at number 23 out of 25 in our list of the Top 25 Things Every Man Needs.

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